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Desmond Kurth from Spokane, WA
My name is Desmond Kurth from Spokane, WA. I'm currently unemployed but very seriously looking for employment because my mind is so much clearer, so much more focused, and it's all due to Positive Changes. I truly thank Positive Changes for everything they've done for me, simply because of the fact that I had lost touch with reality. My reality was coming out of a bottle and that just wasn't acceptable anymore. Before coming to Positive Changes, I was drinking a fifth of vodka a day. I had been a heavy drinker for over 25 years progressing from beer and wine to hard alcohol. I considered myself a maintenance drinker, always maintaining a certain level of intoxication.
Choosing Positive Changes wasn't a last resort. It was trying to find another venue to deal with the issues that have always haunted me, and that's the alcoholism. I've been to other inpatient-outpatient type scenarios and they last for a while, but there's always that little craving there, that little bug in the back of my mind that says, "Why not? It won't hurt." Now with the help of Positive Changes, the craving is gone. I haven't had a drink since my first session. When I had tried to quit before, the withdrawal symptoms were unbearable. After quitting with Positive Changes, there were a few mild cravings and withdrawals but nothing I couldn't' work through. It's just another part of my life that I did and I don't need any more. It's all gone. It's a pleasure to be me again. It's a pleasure to see life clearly instead of through some sort of haze, some sort of funk, some sort of misguided conception of what reality truly is. Some days I'm at a loss for words as far as how successful I am. I can only tell you that it's been an incredible success. I just want to walk around with a big grin on my face and my shoulders thrown back and just keep telling people, "Yes, it works, it works, it works!"
People started noticing changes with me immediately, probably because I didn't smell like alcohol anymore. There's been a gradual progression from first becoming unintoxicated, and then detoxing my body from the inside out, and then coming to the realization that parts of my body were really messed up because of the amount of alcohol I was consuming. They are now functioning more properly. First and foremost is my mind, and I'm sure other things were falling right along with that. My family has been incredibly supportive. They think it's the neatest thing in the whole wide world. I have not been afraid or ashamed to admit to anyone or tell anyone. Even my relationship with my father has improved. I have not been tempted by "You want to go out to the bar and have a drink?" or anything. I can walk right by alcohol in the grocery store and think, "Oh, I guess they still have an aisle for alcohol," but there's no interest in it for me, none whatsoever. I've told my parents. I've told some of my friends. Everybody just looks at me and kind of shakes their head and says, "Oh yeah sure, yeah, sure," but I can tell you from deep inside my heart and in my mind that it's gone. It's a done deal.
I am just so happy. It's like a new chapter in my life. If I were writing a book, it's like on October 29, 2008, my life started over again. It was like a new birth. Sometimes I do walk around and I kick myself for kicking myself, but I kick myself for waiting so long to have done it, because life is so much more of a joy now. It's just so much more positive. I know it sounds almost like I've been brainwashed—positive, positive, positive changes, but it's been such a tremendous, absolutely phenomenal turnaround.
I want to go out and just tell people if they have an addiction. It's not necessarily tell them, but go there and ask the questions. I don't know everything that Positive Changes helps with, but they might be able to help you because it opens your mind. There are just no limitations. The only limitations you could put on yourself are the ones that you want to get rid of, but you're afraid to, because you don't know what's out there. The one for me was alcohol. I was just, "Ooh, how am I going to act if I don't have a drink? I need my drinky-poo." Well, you know what? The drinky doesn't mean anything. All that drink did was just hold you back. Now every day is a new day. Every day is a great day. Inside I am at peace and sometimes I just feel as if I don't even know what my limitations are. I might still even at this time, be holding myself back because I'm afraid to see what's really out there.
I feel like I'm a walking poster child for Positive Changes, but I don't want to become that obvious because then people are going to look and say, "Oh yeah, they're paying you. You must be getting something out of this." Well, you know what? I am getting something out of this. I am getting a second lease on life. I got my life back and now, I Desmond Kurth, being of sound mind and sound body am very happy in where I am in life right now. I'm cruising along.
I look forward to getting up every day. I look forward to being able to accomplish something. I make lists like crazy. I'm driving my wife nuts. It's driving her crazy. It's like, I don't want to go to bed yet because there are still things I want to get done. Go to bed. I'll get it done. There was no evening in my life before. It was, how do I want to phrase this? It used to be, you'd pass out at night, and you'd come to in the morning. Now I can go to sleep at night very easily, sleep soundly, dream great dreams, dream about things I want to do, things I need to accomplish, how to solve problems that I had gone to sleep thinking about, and wake up in the morning, and wake up refreshed—not wake up thinking, "Oh, I just feel like crap. Maybe if I go to sleep, it will go away." Well, it doesn't go away. It haunts you. It's on your back. It's like a big monkey just hanging on until you get rid of it; it's just the way life is. Unfortunately I got used to that. It became normal, and that's not what normal is.
I feel sorry for people. I don't know if feeling sorry for them is a good way to put it. I don't envy them. I wish there was something I could do to help them. I truly wish there was a magic wand or a little pill, but there isn't. It's all on you. Until you make that decision, until you wake up one day and say, "I've had enough. I want something better. I want my life back. I want to be back where I used to be. I want what I think I should have."
It's almost indescribable unless you've, like some people say, "Been there, done that." Unless you've climbed Mount Everest and looked out from the highest spot in the world, you don't know what it's like to feel like you truly have your life back, and have your body back, and my health back. I've been having problems with my liver because of what I drank but I went to the doctor this morning and my liver is fully functional and healthy now. That was after three and a half months of being absolutely sober. It has been 6 months since I've had a drink. It's a peachy feeling to be able to say that and to not want to drink. I'm not consumed by the feeling that I need to drink, I've got to have a drink, I want a drink, I need a drink to relax. I don't need a drink to relax. I don't need anything to relax. All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm back in wherever I go whenever I'm relaxing. It's the most incredible feeling.
I now have dignity and self-respect. I can go anywhere, do anything, walk into any room with anybody, and feel better about myself now than I have felt in years, maybe 20 years. I had given up so many activities when I was drinking. For example, I used to love to go bowling but had stopped because I was never any good at it because I was always intoxicated. Now I can get back to doing things that I had once enjoyed and had to stop. I'm even spent a lot of my time now volunteering at my church.
It's great that negative ideas, negative situations, negative people, negative things that happen to you, it's like they just bounce off me. Every day is better than yesterday and there's no such thing as a bad day, because every day is great. It's great to be alive. It's great to be sober.
I would recommend Positive Changes to anybody in a heartbeat. I'd even drive them here if they needed a ride. I look forward to being here. I don't ever want to be done with the ... the opportunity—that's the word I want to use. I don't ever want to be done with the opportunity to keep my mind clear and positive and focused and recognize that there are just no limitations to where this person and this body, clean, sober and focused can go. I'm absolutely free to make my own choices, not influenced by anything that really shouldn't be in there anyways. I've got my 75 trillion cells just clicking on all 8 cylinders right now. It's a fun thing. I don't want it to end. I feel like a little kid again. It is awesome. It's just incredible.
I could just go on and on and on, and I could talk to you and tell you about situations and experiences and things that have happened to me. It's the most awesome feeling to have my life back and be in control. I'm still learning more and more about myself and where I can go. It's just fun. Yes, it works.
* 75% of Positive Changes breakthrough clients are successful in reaching their goals.
Results from a study commissioned by Positive Changes and performed by researchers at The Ohio State University.
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